Kink In Exile

And in keeping with the cute and fun theme, if you’re still looking for a Halloween costume, check out the Party Time Bunny Costume from Sextoy.com. Comfy headband with soft, fuzzy, adjustable bunny ears is supper cute. And I love that you can position the ears just the way you want them, cause I bent a corner in to make a sad bunny. (Bad bunny, no cookie!)

The costume also comes with a cotton tail that’s attached to a thong panty. I would actually like a bigger tail to draw more attention to my bum, but this one is in keeping with the cute bunny look. I’m actually planning to wear the ears to a party on Halloween, but I think I’ll save the tail for the after party…

If you want a bunny costume of your very own (or if you’re looking for vibrators and other sex toys) check out Sextoy.com.

What could make for a nicer Sunday morning than sitting in a sunny courtyard, with a cup of tea and thinking about Bondage? well, ok, I could have a human table to balance my tea on, but I guess I’ll just have to make do.

In the mean time, lets talk about bondage. Bondage-lite perhaps. I recently got a pair of Tickled Pink Restraints from Babeland.com. I usually associate bondage with leather and all sorts of metal clasps, so fuzzy pink cuffs with velcro closures were somewhat of an anomaly. What I discovered is that these are actually a lot less threatening then black leather with metal locks. They’re “fun” and “cute.” A nice holiday stocking stuffer for an otherwise vanilla lover (vanilla with fudge swirl).

The cuffs were comfortable and soft though not intended for hard core resistance play by any means. The velcro closure was secure enough that you can pull on them a little and feel restrained but was ultimately easy to open once you’re done…or once you’ve decided to turn the tables. The cuffs also had these straps attached to them which I used to tie my partner to the bed. I may have preferred clips, but the straps give you some flexibility to work with what ever kind of bed-frame you have.

Long story short: if you’re just getting into bondage or want to surprise a partner with something a little different this is for you. If you already own half a tack shop worth of crops, and every sex toy known to man I might suggest something a little sturdier.

I don’t think so. Ok, so I’m particularly in work-head today having dressed up like a grown up for a meeting with my creative director, but this post isn’t really about dress code. This is a post, one of many, about being so many other things before I’m a domme. In this post Advo discusses his real estate agent as a possible domme, and you know, it bothers me. Not that he is attracted to her all together but that what draws his attention and fuels the post is not the introduction of a competent and experienced agent but rather that of the possibility of a dominant woman. I’ve seen this elsewhere too — the appraising post, the idle chatter on a submissive man’s blog about whether the grumpy bus driver/lady at the cafe/secretary is secretly dominant.

It makes me wonder if people think this way about me? If they hear “human computer interaction…” and tune out to thoughts of being beaten with looped optical fiber. I hope not. I can’t imagine that an interaction with anyone who doesn’t see me as a complete holistic being and is not paying for the privilege of seeing only what they want to see will go far. The bottom line is that it’s downright offensive and if you are going presume to be submissive you could start with a little bit of respect of the kind you afford any other business contact.

I’m taking on another review program, this time as a brand ambassador for Good Vibrations. I’ve shopped at Good Vibes for the better part of a decade so it’s pretty exciting to review their products, but even I was skeptical when I found out what I’d be getting: Truth or Dare and a video called Seven Minutes in Heaven. I mean I was one of those antisocial kids in school who thought seven minutes in heaven was barbaric. But, hell, in the name of science, why not?

So what is this exactly? Truth or Dare: A Game of Passion, for Adults from Good Vibrations is a game involving two decks of cards (one of truths and one of dares) and a dice that you roll to figure out which pile you’re meant to pick from. Of course this is an adult game so no “lick the bottom of your shoe” dares here. Instead cards propose such interesting dares as “…write an erotic letter from your tongue or fingers to the particular body part of your partner that you enjoy licking…” But I wouldn’t be recommending this game to all my friends just for the erotically daring actions it may inspire. It’s all about the truth for me. Some are funny, some kinky, but they all give you a chance to learn something new about your partner. This is a great couple’s game specifically because it asks you, in a fun and nicely illustrated way, to talk about those things most couples don’t really get to talk about. I’d say it’s good for getting to know a new lover, but it’s even better for spicing up an existing relationship.

Seven Minutes in Heaven is also not the barbaric childhood hazing ritual I expected. Instead I received a DVD of queer porn shorts. See, doesn’t that sound better already. Seven Minutes in Heaven features real queer women having the kind of sex they enjoy with their favorite toys and their favorite partners. No LA boobies or scripts here, in fact no LA movie sets either — the whole thing looks like it was shot in the performer’s Mission flat. Might be a twinge too hipster for my tastes, but it’s a nice alternative if you want to watch porn but you don’t want something that plays into all the common tropes. This movie won’t be available until later in the month, but I’ll update the post with a link once I get it.

I just found out that Flagg passed away earlier in the week.  Coupled with the death of Jack McGeorge in August this feels overwhelming.  These were not people who were close to me by any stretch.  These were people whose talks I attended at the occasional BDSM conference, but more importantly they were part of what grounds the BDSM community for me.    Seeing them pass brings to mind not only their dedication to creating a space where BDSM could exist but also the good will of everyone who has taken the time to teach, show, and explain.  It makes me think of the people who opened doors for kink in general and for me personally, and their passing leaves me at a loss.

I guess this is just a very long way to say thank you…

I get off on hurting my boy.  I get off in that very viseral sexual way when I see him grit his teeth against the pain or watch the bruises come up, but I also get off in some other more emotional way when I know he is taking the pain because he wants to please me.  And then I feel guilty, and that’s the weird part.  I don’t feel guilty about hurting other people.  I might feel guilty if, heaven forbid, I hurt them in a bad way, or hurt them in a way they didn’t like, but I don’t feel guilty about the act of hurting — they get off on it and so do I.

But I feel guilty about hurting my boy.  It is as if my desire to protect my pet from harm extends to a desire to protect him from the pain I inflict.  I do not, mind, feel guilty if he resists, or if he teases or taunts me (all in good humor), but rather I feel guilty when he is good.  I feel guilty precisely because he is good, because he subjects himself to pain for my pleasure, and this makes him precious to me.  It’s a strange kind of guilt too.  Not the kind you are meant to feel over being mean to another human being (”what have I done” guilt), but rather that kind of pang of regret or loss you feel when you notice you’ve damaged a precious heirloom.

I feel bad for him.  Look at this lovely creature who does so much to please me and what does he get in return?  Torture.  And I know on some level he enjoys it in that strange and complicated way that BDSM allows us to enjoy the things we hate.  I know he wouldn’t allow it if he did not enjoy some part of it.  He asks me to hurt him, and I get off on hurting him and I still feel bad about huring him.  Why, pray tell, does my brain work this way and do others feel similarly?

I’ve never owned sex furniture before — hell I own precious little real furniture — so I was really excited about the Tilt Master. The Fantasy Series Tilt Master is an inflatable sex ball/chair/moonshaped thing — you’ll get a much better idea by clicking on the link and actually seeing the photo. The inflatable part is important to remember — I spent about half an hour with a bicycle pump, a deconstructed ball point pen and a narrow pipe trying to make it work before informing my boyfriend that if he could get it up before I finished brushing my teeth he would fuck me on it. I have no idea how he got the thing inflated but he managed to do it before I got back. The next “challenge” we encountered was balancing on a round thing while having sex. The first time we tried I hit my head so I would not recommend doing this on a hardwood floor. I will say, however, that it is fun enough that I got back on to give it a second try — and get the ab workout of my life. Turns out the way you stay balanced while having sex on something that tries to roll you backward is by focusing on your core and making your pilates teacher proud.

Did I love the Tilt Master when I first tried it? Yes. Would I buy it though? Hard to say. It’s fun, but if novelty doesn’t make up all of the fun it’s certainly a requirement for getting over the hassle of inflation and falling on one’s head. Unlike with other sex toys weight and body geometry is a serious consideration, and you can’t be too serious with an inflatable sex ball. It’s a lot of fun once you get the hang of it, but my abs still hurt two days later (I’m adding this to my workout regiment!) On the other hand, for a girl who owns one too many vibrators the novelty of a whole new category of toy is great, and I suppose it can double as a chair