Kink In Exile

The Laya was the first high-end vibrator I bought back when I was an undergrad. It was my introduction to concepts such as design and ergonomics going into sex toys, and I loved it. Over the years though my Laya had gotten replaced by other toys, and fell into misuse in the bottom of some dresser drawer somewhere. So when I saw the Laya Spot in Babeland’s affiliate newsletter a couple of weeks ago I wanted to give it another try. I missed my old friend with the perfect curves and light-up buttons. Ok, so mine didn’t have light-up buttons, I think it was an older model, but the one I just got from Babeland had buttons that light up with a pretty pink glow for easy night-time use.

My blue and pink Laya Spot arrived in Fun Factory’s signature magnetic closure package that makes my heart melt for the German engineers who designed it (and for the clever packaging designer who came up with the icons for “application”, and “quietness”). The Laya itself is also one of those toys that makes me wonder how they designed it. It is, in fact, ergonomically curved to touch just the right places. It fits all your curves comfortably — like you favorite pair of jeans if your favorite pair of jeans delivered mind-blowing orgasms. The Laya Spot has 7 vibrating speeds (ok, I think I counted 7, but I was distracted…) and 3 vibrating patterns. This was, by the way, the first toy I owned that did anything more clever than vibrate and low, medium, and high. I love it. The three pulsing patterns are just enough variation to keep you interested but not too much such that they throw you off your groove. The multiple speeds let you warm up at your own pace, and the control is easy and straight forward. If I had one critique of the Laya Spot it would be that you have to go through all 7 speeds to get to the pulsing patterns, but I can’t think of a way to change that and still keep the controls simple and not at all bulky. It’s also quiet and splash-proof to boot so what’s not to like.

Short story: It was love at first sight and I still love it enough to come back for seconds.

I think I mentioned that I’ve been watching Secret Diaries of a Callgirl, and I know I’ve mentioned that I have a callgirl fantasy, but it is kind of interesting to me watching a show about prostitution and getting turned on…by the clothes. Or to be more honest by the time and attention dedicated to beauty. My favorite part of my brief stint as a sex worker was that I always felt pretty. Now to be honest I was probably spending 10 to 15 hours per week on my beauty routine so it is not unreasonable to expect that I would be quite attractive, but still. There’s just something about getting to do what other people consider frivolous as part of your day job. It makes everything more charged, more sexual somehow.

Of course this fantasy version of sex work is just that, a fantasy. In the end the actual work part of sex work didn’t fit into my life, but the fantasy, good god is that still hot. The perfect make-up, and tight skirt swishing through the hotel lobby. The sense of being desired mingled with the sense of being owned and knowing I can’t back out because it would be unprofessional…oh hush, it’s my fantasy, darling!

A friend just handed me season 1 of Secret Diary of a Callgirl. It’s a very pretty Showtime adaptation of the book by the same name, and it made me want to play dress-up like there’s no tomorrow. I’m going to Sonoma on Friday, and while the original plan was to go wine tasting and biking, I suspect the revised plan includes sexy costumes and raunchy hotel sex.

Among the costumes I’m packing is the Erotique fishnet top and G-string I just got from Sextoy.com. (Isn’t it nice how they have all these costumes and lotions and goodness knows what else to complement their collection of vibrators and other sex toys?) I have a few fishnet tops from my punk rock days, but this off the shoulder number is more flirty than what you’d find on the Haight. It’s also made of a softer fabric than a lot of the punk chic I’ve found. The Erotique set features a cute red bow on both the top and matching panties that makes me want to save the whole thing for Christmas, but I think I’m just a little too big to fit into one of those fuzzy stockings you hang on the fireplace so weekend getaway it will be. Oh, I should tell you though that while this set is “one size fits most” it actually runs pretty small so keep that in mind if it’s a concern.

Of course now that I’ve got my costumes sorted I get to figure out what toys to bring…what’s quiet enough for a hotel room, easy to travel with, and still hurts like hell?

Ok, so maybe there is no such thing as too many sex toys and tonight I am returning to my old time favorite company: Fun Factory. The lovely people at Babeland sent me the Fun Factory Angel to try out. The Angel is one of Fun Factory’s line of mini vibes (not lipstick mini, but still smaller than the normal internal vibe). The Angel is powered by two AAA batteries, made of medical-grade Silicone, and according to the manufacture it’s water proof. However, it didn’t have the little rubber ring most water proof toys have near the battery so I’m a little worried. Maybe they’ve moved on to better technology while I wasn’t looking?

The angel is pretty quiet as vibrators go, but it has a kick to it — if you keep the batteries fresh that is. The boy and I tried this toy together, and granted I take my time, but I still made him go digging for new batteries half way through because there is nothing worse than being so close and having your toy slow down on you. The new batteries made all the difference and I can say we had fun with the 3 vibrating modes, and multiple speeds. I loved that this toy is small enough to use for clitoral stimulation but still 100% insertable. Totally best of both worlds, and as I always like to say where Fun Factory is concerned, the German engineering shines through.

The Lelo Mia is the kind of sex toy that kicks my geek brain into high gear. It is charged via USB which has the obvious advantage of being travel friendly (no power cords to forget, no batteries to buy, and no worries about 110 vs. 220). However, the moment I saw a USB plug on a I wanted it to have memory. Just imagine, what if it not only got you off, but it allowed you to store up to 4 gigs of your porn collection to boot. Would this be possible? Three out of four MIT grads agree vibration would not damage a flash drive. Alas, the fine folks at Lelo do not have any aspirations to take on the likes of SanDisk.

The Mia is still a good travel vibrator. Small and lipstick shaped it fits nicely in purse or carry on. USB powered it connects to any computer (well ok, any computer outside the halls of the Computer History Museum) and charges quickly. It is water resistant and easy to clean, and I can personally attest that it arose absolutely no suspicion from airport security.

As a vibrator, however, it did not get me off. I tried, and tried again to love this easy to pack gem, but the hard plastic and the lipstick shape just made it all wrong for my body. I’ve become spoiled by clitoral stimulators that hug my curves, and by soft silicon which just feels different against my body. It’s a strong vibrator though, and one of the quietest I’ve ever owned so if you normally go for plastic over silicone and want the approach of a bullet, I would recommend trying it out. If you’re like me and want something a little softer, a little curvier, stay tuned for some of the other great things I’ve got lined up from Sextoy.com.

I just came across a post by Unspeakable Axe about service.  I’ve been thinking about service of late so it started me on a delicious train of thought I couldn’t escape.  I like the part where Axe has to bring some things with him and can’t find a bell.  I love wild goose chases; I’m just never sure what to ask for.

“Come over with a scrubby brush for the tub, some bubble bath, artisan chocolates with sea salt, and a bag of those really tiny clothes pins that come in different colors.” Does that work?  If I send that to someone would they know what clothes pins I mean?  Do they even make those anymore?

I once had to make up rules for a submisive who was coming to clean my house.  The only rule that actually made sense to me is don’t you dare interupt me if I’m at the computer.  The rest — how to kneel, how to address me, how his cleaning would be inspected — were made up by a very helpful and very vanilla friend of mine.  Of course that was years ago and now I’m kinking hard on rules.  Kneel when you serve me.  bring me little presents that show you were thinking of me.  Address me as ma’am, never mistress.  The list goes on, I just have no idea where it goes.

So I’ve tried a couple of times to find potential play partners on the internet.  Much like trying to find roommates on the internet this has an absurdly low sucess rate.  Given that I “work in the internet” I expected to have better luck, but there seems to be something a little off almost always.  I should clarify that when I say the internet what I really mean is Craigslist.  I have met some amazing people through blogging and I think I’ve played or slept with a couple…I’ve certainly become friends with many.  But the problem with craigslist as one of my friends put it is that the people who post there either don’t have friends or couldn’t make their friends do what they wanted and so they posted to craigslist.

The emails I get in response to craigslist posts (I think I’ve posted twice so this is a small data set) range from rude to over the top worshiping, but the alarming part is that even the reasonable ones become rude when they don’t get what they want.  Most people in the real world do not flip out and say mean things when it becomes evidant that they need to look elsewhere for their boinking; it seems most people on craigslist do.  Seeing someone face to face, even if meeting them for the first time is a lot more sane for me.  Usually I we have mutual friends who will attest that they are a worthwhile human being, if nothing else I at least know that they have done enough research to find the local dungeon’s address and hours and their treatment of me is less likely to change on a dime.

So what’s a girl to do when she has a very specific fantasy she wants fufilled?  Learn to pick up people at bars I guess…

So I haven’t been writing much and to top it off I had this post half written and the internet ate it. You see, I’ve been busy: moving, work, wrist pain causing me to save my typing for work mostly, life.

Perhaps the most time and energy consuming thing aside from the move has been building my relationship with the new boy. ok, so 8-ish months is probably not new, but it feels that way. It feels like I am making it up as I go along.

I have never had a relationship with a submissive man before. Play dates, play relationships even, sure. Sex against brick walls in dirty alleys, I wish! But not a relationship, you know, the kind where you meet their parents and start thinking about how your art would look on their walls. This sudden combination of leather and…linen…adds a whole new layer.

Start with I don’t typically do relationships. My last relationship benefited from the 400 kilometers between my rice farming village and my partner’s refugee camp while we got to know each other. (There was no phone reception in the camp and no internet in the village to boot.) And then there is the kink…relationship first, kink second. The things you learn through trial and error! Oh, and did you know submissive men get sick, or tired, or emotional just like all humans everywhere? They do. And when they do they do not make your tea the way you are used to them making your tea and then you feel abandoned. And then there are all the archetypes of D/s that pop up and muddle how you feel about things. Take for example collars — before I could decide what a collar meant to me and if I was willing to give one I had to get over years of watching people wank about the One True Way.

I guess what I’m getting at is relationships are a lot of work and adding kink adds to that. There is this expectation that they aren’t, that if you were right for each other everything would just work, you would agree on everything before you even talk about it, and the sex will be fantastic all the time. Love concurs all, and it does so with magic. In reality love just gives you the willingness to do the work. (And in other news, the sky is blue.)

Because a girl can only have so many sex toys, a book review…

Bitch in the Bedroom claims to reconnect you with your inner bitch “that integral, powerful part of you” that is “the little black dress of attitudes.”

What is meant by bitch in this context is independent, and perhaps possessing a healthy self esteem. Throughout the book Hilts encourages readers to ask themselves What Am I Thinking (WAIT). WAITing in turn allows you to escape Toxic Niceness — that bad habit of smiling when a guy says something mean or sitting through bad dates to the end. It’s hard to argue with anything Hilts says given that she encourages you to form healthy relationships, communicate with your partner, and be more self confident. The presentation is nice too, with a friendly conversational style, chapters separated by clever cartoons, and easy to reference sidebars. I do have to wonder, however, don’t we know this already? Isn’t calling confidence the bitch way a little…off putting? Do we really need to read anecdote after bad date anecdote to learn that our desires matter?

On the other hand if you recently had a fight about the dishes that included bringing up wounds from two years ago you should check out Bitch in the Bedroom which you can get in the books and catalogues section at SexToy.com home of the biggest selection of Sex toys and vibrators online (they also throw great Second Life parties with toy giveaways).

Some of you may remember the B3 Tuyo which I reviewed a couple of months ago. Well I’m adding another B3 product to my collection of sex toys and clitoral stimulators thanks to the nice folks at Vibrator.com. My new toy, the B3 Onye, is similar to the Tuyo in design with one immediately obvious difference — shape. Unlike the round Tuyo, the Onye is more elongated; it’s shaped like a bullet, but larger and, I’m told, ergonomically designed (it’s certainly easier to hold on to than a bullet). The Onye does share several features with the Tuyo such as its multiple vibration speeds, 3 patterns, and luxury materials and packaging. All of these things, especially the strong varied vibration patterns (a surprising feat for the 3 AAA batteries that power it), are a win in my book. Unfortunately, the Onye also shares the biggest downside of the Tuyo — noise. Maybe I’m spoiled, maybe it’s unreasonable to think that a toy that looks this good and feels this good should also be silent, but I have to say, the noise is a real turn off.

If the noise doesn’t bother you I would rate this as a nice luxury toy. Probably not my first pick for myself, but given B3s unique design sensibilities, attention to detail, and pretty satin-lined boxes, both the Tuyo and the Onye would make good gifts for the girl who has everything.