Kink In Exile

Maybe I’ve been reading too many romance novels but this is a job I can do…”all the girlfriend services except sex and laundry.”

Do you need help getting a present for your sister?  Picking out a suit?  Need someone to take to a family function or a lovely intelligent woman to make small talk with your boss at the office Christmas party?  Want your house decorated or the cleaning service managed?   Need to impress that college buddy you haven’t seen in ten years?  Show up your ex wife?  Don’t want the responsibility, arguments, and work of a girlfriend or wife?  I can help!

Three pies, a cake and a batch of cookies — tonight.  I have an awesome kitchen but I can’t help but wonder if it is wrong to ask your sugar daddy for a kitchen with two ovens.  Perhaps if I had a sugar daddy I would ask.  It would be only a matter of time until I asked for a second set of the nice wooden spoons so I can have some by the stove and some by the bed.  Certainly a stand mixer or an account with the French restaurant supply store would win my heart.

One day I will be rich and famous and I will design my own kitchen.  I would keep my lovely 5 burner stove and pot rack suspended on chains.  I’d keep the brushed steel look too, but I’d make it bigger with an island in the middle so that I could bend the lucky bastard over the black granite counter tops between batches of meringues and beat him with the teak wood spoons.

I’ve wanted to try a Don Wand product for a while, and as I’m slowly but surely expanding my collection of anal toys I figured why not try the Kama Diva plug. The blue swirly plug is made out of urethane — a kind of hard plastic material. Urethane is apparently also fragile as the toy comes with a big blue pillowy/plushy pouch for safekeeping.

The Kama Diva plug, at about 4″ tall and 1.25″ in diameter, is about medium sized (at least compared to the butt toys I already own) and features a bulb head followed by a bead-like ridge before you get to the flared base. I really like the ridge part because it gives you more sensations and draws out the experience more than a toys with just a bulb head and base. I do have to admit, however, that the base on this toy made me a little worried. It is important that anything you put up your butt has a large flared base because things can get pulled in and stuck up there. The Kama Diva plug does have a flared base but it’s only about half an inch wider than the plug itself and that seems like too small a marine of error. It is also unclear to me if the plug and base are made out of one piece of urethane or if they are separate and joined by a seam. Does anyone else know? I would advise caution when using this toy, and I myself made sure to not let it go all the way in. Kama Diva plugs are phthalates free and made in the USA and aside from my being a worry-wort about the base this is a fun toy and a great intro for the adventurous anal sex newbie.

You can check out the Kama Diva plug or take a look at all the anal toys on the sextoys page

Do you ever feel the need to dress up? I don’t mean a sexy new blouse, or even lingerie; I literally mean playing dress-up, you know, with costumes and stuff.

I love costumes! Everything from pirate wenches to slave girls of Orion (for the truly geeky) have made their appearance in my bedroom, so it seemed only natural that I should review a sexy costume from Sextoy.com. A couple of weeks ago I got the Kitty Kat Leopard mask and ears set, which is exactly what the name implies.

The fuzzy ears are worn via a headband and the mask is a standard costume eye mask. Cute without being overwhelming, this is a great party costume as much as anything else, and I wore the ears by themselves to offset a punkish outfit I was wearing around town. My only complaint was that the headband was on the small side and pressed behind my ears in a way regular headband wearers are all too familiar with. Aside from that I’d say this was a cute costume all around.

Check out the Kitty Kat Leopard mask and ears set or look at other costumes on the sex toys page!

It seems counterintuitive to give people tools to hurt you with, but yesterday I did just that. I was chatting with a potential play partner and we started talking about fucking with people’s heads. Now on the occasion that I bottom I like having my head fucked with, but it’s actually harder to do than some people may think. Try to intimidate me and I’ll know exactly what you’re doing. I’ll feel bad about not being intimidated, but I just don’t have the suspension of disbelief. Try to make me self-conscious , and well, chances are you don’t know the buttons. So I handed my companion a button. He would have figured it out sooner or later, most people who are close to me do, but why make him guess?

What tools have you given your partners?

Who looks good in a baby doll? Seriously, I’m certain that someone does because this seems to be the most popular nightgown choice, but I just look like a doll, or pregnant, or something.

Last week I attempted to buy a nightgown. I assumed this would be an easy task given that all I wanted was a slinky black thing that went to about mid thigh — typical, right? Well my first shopping attempt yielded an array of babydolls apparently the item du jour at Victoria’s Secret. I then moved my search to Macy’s where I found two radically different options: 1) flannel pajamas or 2) stretchy mesh with butt ruffles. Butt ruffles? Do people wear this? Can anyone actually sleep in this? The Macy’s shop girl helpfully directed me to Saks, which was much like Macy’s only the flannel came in solid colors and the butt ruffles were more expensive.

Failing to find a night gown I decided to bring my favorite perfume on holiday and go traditional. However, this did get me thinking about the nature of sensuality in America. Much like charity, and healthy food, I prefer to have sensuality as part of my every day life, and find too often that it is a special event around here. What I want is quite simple unless you try to buy it in America — I want something sexy that is comfortable to wear, looks good on the way my body looks now not ten pounds lighter than now, and doesn’t require a special occasion. So why do we need special occasions to wear the things that make us feel good? Why are sexy and comfortable mutually exclusive concepts?