Kink In Exile

Ok, how often do your sex toy manufactures also make aircraft parts on the side? Not too often I’d imagine, and thats why I take a perversely geeky pleasure in reviewing this particular spreader bar. This candy purple spreader bar is made of aircraft grade aluminum and is as solidly engineered as it is pretty. It is 36″ with small-ish loops on either side for attachment. I really like the sturdy aluminum feel, and the metallic purple color. The length can be good or bad. I am mostly used to dealing with adjustable spreader bars which offer more flexibility and don’t leave you looking quizingly from toy to partner wondering if they will line up. On the other hand, adjustable spreader bars often have sharp or awkward edges which the Pinnacle Design bar thankfully lacks. It does come in multiple sizes so you just have to decide what you want in advance.

This is a great toy for adding some rigidity to rope bondage and can be used in conjunction with ankle cuffs, say if you wanted the spread-eagle look without adding hardware to your bed. Check out the 36″ Candy Purple spreader bar on the sex toys page, or view all BDSM and bondage items.

Sextoy.com’s “Give me Fever”— Sex Toys Giveaway Contest!

Spring is finally upon us, the time when lovers get frisky and people’s minds turn to sex! To help get you motivated and to celebrate May as Masturbation Month, Sextoy.com is partnering with the Pleasurists.com for the “Give me Fever”— Sex Toys Giveaway Contest with $500 in prize package swag giveaways!

The Prize Packages!

1st Prize- Fetish Fantasies- Value $220

• Fantasy sex swing - black by Pipe Dreams - $130
• Fetish fantasy bed restraint bondage kit by Eldorado- $40
• Leather Cockring With Micro-Vibrator by California Exotics- $25
• Ryder - Midnight Purple by Tantus- $25

2nd Prize- Sexy Girl Bling- Value $145

• Ultimate Clit Caresser - Clear Aurora by Arabesque - $100
• Sinsation Glass G-spot Dildo by Ruby Glass- $20
• Goddess Gold Condom Compact by Just in Case- $25

3rd Prize- Couples Fun- $110

• Don Wand Colbalt Blue Plug by Don Wand- $20
• Rock Chick Pink G-Spot Vibrator Adult Sex Toy Kit by MBS- $70
• OOOOH! THAT’S IT! GSPOT GEL (1 oz) by Intimate Organics- $20

The Rules!

• You must 18+ to enter.
• You must be willing to provide your mailing address if you win so Sextoy.com can send you your sexy swag prizes.
• To enter simply repost this contest (complete guidelines) any time between May 1st and May 25th on your blog or a forum or elsewhere where you have permission (no spamming and post cannot be in comments sections of blogs) and email submission AT pleasurists.com with a link to the repost.
• If you have a preference for which prize you would like to be sent feel free to include that with your post or in the email with your repost link, we will take it into consideration when choosing the winners (though there’s no guarantee). Listing First, Second, and Third choice of prize package would be helpful!
• Submissions must be posted on or between May 1st and May 30th to qualify
• You must email your submission to submission AT pleasurists.com by May 30th at 11:59pm Pacific Time.

Winners will be chosen by random number generator, numbered by the order in which the emails are received. Each winner will be given their first choice prize if possible, or second or third if not. Winners will be announced on May 31st!

That’s it! Get to re-posting!

As promised, the harness review.

If you haven’t done a lot of strap-on play, or even if you have, choosing a harness may be a little puzzling. Leather looks cool, but how do you clean it? Where exactly is it meant to sit? Doesn’t this look silly? Too butch? Too girly? One strap or two?

I recently got two harnesses from Sextoy.com: the Lover’s Super-Strap Universal harness and the Corsette harness. Both are great beginner harnesses since they’re not too pricey so you can experiment without amassing credit card debt, and both are made out of fabric so they require less care than a leather harness and are easier to clean. They are also both two strap harnesses (as opposed to the one strap g-string style), which I prefer since the straps go around your thighs adding stability while allowing for access to your naughty bits.

The first difference I noticed was image. The Lover’s Super Strap is a very utilitarian harness — nylon straps, metal ring, and that’s about it. The Corsette by comparison is very fashion forward with a soft purple fabric “corset” waist lacing and all. I expected these to preform differently, but the difference was minor. I did notice that the Super-Strap fit a bit more securely which was surprising given the Corsette’s greater coverage. The Corsette also came with a small bullet vibrator, but I find that the cut of the harness doesn’t make that useful — I wear my harness over my pubic bone, not over my clit after all. And of course being made of fabric both can be machine washed in a pinch (though I’m not certain if the manufacture would approve).

So what are the major things to look at?
*Fit and stability — the harness should fit snugly around your hips and you may want to see for yourself if the g-string harness or the two strap kind feel most secure to you.
*Material — can you wash it?
*Style — do you want to look girly like a butterfly with a sparkly silver cock, or are you a tomboy with something more realistic looking?

Happy harness hunting…and of course you can find more strap-ons and sex toys on the the Sextoy.com page.

This post can also be labeled “I have no knowledge of my history but it’s real serious leather so it must be Old Guard!”

I recently had reason to look into the idea of collaring. This is an interesting concept because like many issues of protocol it requires me to wade through a plethora of miss-information and opinion-as-fact merely to find some simple things: when did collaring become popular in BDSM circles and under what circumstances, what are some common physical considerations in choosing collars, and what are some useful emotional considerations.

One of the first articles I came across was this piece from Albany Power Exchange. This article states, in it’s naturally authoritative voice, “The first collar offered is called the ‘Collar of Consideration’. This identification comes from the Old Guard Leather community, the same source of the Safe, Sane and Consensual code.” Well this is fine and good except that Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC) is largely attributed to a mid-1980s (I’ve seen both 1983 and 1984 listed as the correct year) Gay Male SM Activists publication. The mid 1980s, I will point out, was somewhat after what is generally referred to as the Old Guard period.

So let’s review — I went looking for sexual information. I found an article that divides BDSM communities into pre-internet (good) and post-internet (bad). This article puts forth the author’s opinion as the one right way of using collars in a scene and uses tradition and authority of elders as the pillars on which the author’s opinion is to stand. This article then provides factually false information invoking those same pillars of tradition and authority (you agree with SSC, so you must agree with what I say about collaring)

So here are 5 easy things to think about when doing research (kinky or otherwise):
1) Check your sources — how do you know what you know? Is your data coming from the CIA, a research institution, or the kid who lives on your floor? Is the article you are reading peer reviewed?
2) Check multiple sources — are you getting different numbers from different sources? Do your sources have different agendas?
3) Check publication dates — there was a time when the sun went around the earth and all the best scientists of the day would have told you so. Make sure your information is up to date; this is especially vital with medical information.
4) Fact or opinion? — Fact: collaring is a known practice in BDSM communities. Opinion: Collaring ceremonies are only valid between people who play really really hard. (Oh, and I will support my fact by saying that the many articles written on the subject and posted to BDSM community boards are indicative of a shared experience or in-group behavior.)
5) Validity based on what — Does the article provide data from a well-known source, or peer reviewed study, or does it ask you to believe what it says is true because it’s Tradition?

By way of follow-up to my reconciling beauty and intelligence post, I have to say Sandy Lerner is my hero.  The woman co-founded Cisco Systems and then created the Urban Decay cosmetics line.  Also, I really like to hear your opinions on the matter.  Have you experienced this false dichotomy?  Have you addressed it in some way?  Is it all in my head?

Also, just to give you a promise of what’s to come (and to force myself to actually write it) watch this space for a comparative review and buyer’s guide of strap-on harnesses as well as my own thoughts on playing with trained professionals.

The combination of beauty and intelligence shouldn’t be surprising. It shouldn’t be noteworthy enough for a blog post, and yet it has caused me no end of angst from the unreasonable (will he still think I’m hot once he finds out my understanding of math stops at non-Euclidean geometry?) to the shocking but real (”you can help us with the art!” from a fellow student in my graduate level computer science course).

Perhaps it is a testament to the women’s movement that intelligence no longer precludes attractiveness in most people’s minds, but why does attractiveness still preclude intelligence? Why do I feel like people expect my IQ to drop by 20 points when I put on lipstick? Perhaps the social pressure is coming not from the cultural norm, but rather from the counter culture? After all, it isn’t that people expect my makeup to fall through a hole in the space-time continuum if I accidentally read too dense an astronomy paper, but rather that my understanding of said paper will be diminished by makeup. The pressure to conform, for once, is coming from the geeks.

Correlation does not equal causation. Women in math and science fields are frequently less concerned with their appearance than their peers in the humanities. What an interesting correlation! So why do I feel marginalized and suspect when I’m dressed up around geeks? Does anyone else have this experience?

The Theta vibrator is actually an interestingly shaped dildo with space to insert a bullet vibe. It even comes with a silver bullet, but more on that later.

The first time I used my Theta was as a dildo for strap-on play. The manufacture will tell you all about how the shape is designed to stimulate the vaginal nerve pack, and that may well be true, but it’s also a perfect shape for anal play. The flared base, apparently an ergonomic hand-hold, fits perfectly into my harness and stays securely in place through all the thrusting. The high grade silicone is easy to clean (it’s even dishwasher safe!) and safe for your body (phthalate free and hypoallergenic).

As for the silver bullet vibe, well I may have had too many mimosas but here’s what happened: as I said, I used this toy as a strap-on dildo without the vibe and loved it, but for the sake of this review figured I should test the intensity of the vibrator and so on. So I get the little silver bullet vibe which comes with the Theta and stick it into the special compartment at the base of the toy. Turn it on, and the Theta transfers vibration nicely — not super intense but you can feel it along the whole toy. So far so good, right? Well then I try to take the vibrator out and guess what? Yeah, good luck with that one — it got suctioned into the special compartment. I spent a good 15 minutes fidgeting with the thing trying to get it out before finally remembering that water can in some cases make silicone less sticky. It wasn’t easy, but I did get the bullet vibe out in the end. Like I said, It could be I’ve just had one too many mimosas this morning, but I wouldn’t risk it again.

Long story short: This is a great strop-on dildo especially for those new to anal play, but I’m dubious about the vibrator.

Check out the Theta Vibrator on the Sex Toys page or take a look at all the lovely vibrators.

Welcome to the new world order. Sex toys, once relegated to the back of the night stand drawer, are now luxury items with some serious product design going into their creation and some of the best medical-grade materials going into manufacturing. The B3 Tuyo is right up there at the head of the class with its sleek design, virgin phthalate-free plastic body, stainless steel accents, and elegant satin packaging.

The B3 Tuyo, which is one of the sex toys I got from Vibrator.com, is a spherical vibrator with 8 modes of vibration — 3 speeds and 5 vibrating patterns. I wanted it, being a superficial kind of girl some of the time, because it was pretty, but when the shiny vibrating ball arrived I was at a loss. The design is cool but where does it fit? The vibration patterns are really neat, but I can’t quite get the right kind of contact with the right parts of my body. So what’s a girl to do? Well for starters, read the instructions…the Tuyo is meant to circle the bodies of couples as well as to be used for solo pleasure. Ok, this is a good start — it’s a sexy sleek vibrator that looks nothing like a penis so if you want to introduce a little something extra in the bedroom, but don’t want your boyfriend to be intimidated try this. And then another thing occurred to me: it’s a sphere, maybe instead of trying to focus it on my clit I should roll it around my entire vulva. And suddenly I understand what they were thinking when they made this thing. Stimulating the entire area was a new kind of experience — it was a way to get turned on rather than get off so do this with a partner or when you have some time to spare, but definitely try it out.

Long story short: sexy looking, sexy feeling toy that’s great for partnered play. It’s on the loud side and could probably benefit from having a bit more weight both to dampen the sound and strengthen the vibration. The round shape makes it very ergonomic and easy to hold/use which code monkeys and those of us who know what a pica ruler is will appreciate.

I just saw this contest. Post a wishlist of sex toys adding up to $1000 and you get a chance to win your wish
list. I thought this would be easy, and I shot through the first $600 in 5 minutes flat…but then it got hard to get close to $1000 without going over. In the end I came short, but here’s my list, check out the contest page for rules!

Liberator Esse — It seems pretty crazy to spend $375 on a sex toy right off the bat, but there is something delicious about having a piece of furniture that’s designed for sex! And look at this thing, it looks so cute and comfy I want to put it in my living room.

Private dancer pole kit — As long as I’m decorating the living room, why not add a little entertainment to the mix. I hear it’s a great workout too!

Parisian Maid Costume — Keeping with the theme of entertainment this sexy little number might be fun for a night in.

The SaSi — Welcome to the new world of science (?) I just can’t resist science and technology so a vibrator that learns sounds really cool.

The Cone — I’ve seen these around and have wondered how it’s used but never got the chance to try it. I’m all for new user interfaces so I just can’t wait.

Bo –I’ve never heard a bad review of a Lelo toy, but I have to admit I’m curious to see how this guy is different from the $10 vibrating cock ring I already own.

Wicked Wand — I have a similar toy called an Evil Stick that I just love and this looks like a meaner version of that…yum!

lockable vibrator case — Because I’m going to need somewhere to keep all my goodies and the bed-side table is getting a bit crowded

Total cost: $970.34

I’ve been talking about bottoming a lot lately, and of course thinking about bottoming as a result. What follows is a mostly true, largely composite piece. It speaks to my experience with several of my past partners but is by no means a complete survey there of.

I can’t describe longing except by association. You know this, you have felt it, you have tried to describe it and failed as I am now failing. It is in that moment when I run my fingers over the braided leather and I am terrified and wet. It is that fondness I carry for you despite the fact that I have not seen you in three years and I still have the very last hint of that scar. It is the tears I shed not when you gave me those marks but when they faded. It is swallowing the shame that first time I called you “daddy” because you made me do it and in making me you gave permission.

It’s that need I never quite believe in my bottoms but beg my tops to fulfill in me. That moment when I am naked, and waiting to be beaten, and terrified not of being hit but of not being hit hard enough. It’s wanting to let go, to have the brat beaten out of me, to give up, to cry and knowing that you will hold that space for me. Wanting to take it for you before I find out what it is. It’s that moment when you look at me and we have an entire conversation across a crowded room in the span of a heartbeat. That slight half nod no one else notices. It’s the little things that matter; the difference between the knife you hold against my unflinching body and the surgical scalpel that sends shivers down my spine for example.

It is the flame I carry for my tops — those snapshots: the sting of your hand on my cheek, the rose petals covering the floor after you beat me with the rose, the weight of you over me in the pouring rain and the slippery wet brick behind me. It is moving forward, claiming, owning and answering you truthfully when you ask if I want you to stop. No. I want you to hit harder.

So yes, it is that sudden crash of want when I run my fingers along your belt on our way to dinner, and the little gasp when I pull my jeans over my bruised ass in the morning that I long for.