Kink In Exile

I am clearly oblivious as this came out in early February and I just noticed, but I made the best sex review list for 2008!  There are some awesome bloggers on this list too so check them out.

Best Sex Toy Reviewers is an annual list compiled by Domina Doll and Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek. Only reviewers who reviewed during the year of 2008 were considered, there will be a list for 2009 next year.

Each reviewer was rated separately by two people (Domina Doll and Scarlet Lotus did not rate themselves, their second rating came from a third party). The ratings were on a scale of one to five in four areas: Content, Organization, Originality, and Regularity. Each reviewer got a score out of 20 by each person and then the scores were put together to make a final score out of 40. Those final scores were ranked from high to low to get the list below

There were many ties. In cases where reviewers had nominations the number of nominations were the deciding factor for the ties. In cases where reviewers had the same number of nominations Domina Doll and Scarlet Lotus decided the order.

We recognize that this list is highly subjective. This is in no way a definitive list of reviewers, it is simply our list, and you can do with it as you will. We did use finite measurements, as discussed above, to create this list, but ultimately it is our own list. However, lists are fun to have and be able to point to.

1. Essin’ Em
2. Domina Doll
3. Beautiful Dreamer
4. Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
5. Epiphora
6. Gabe and Elizabeth
7. Sinclair Sexsmith
8. Catalina Loves
9. Agent Ansley
10. Betty Rocket
11. Carnivalesq
12. J.D. Bauchery
13. Toygirl
14. Thursday’s Child
15. Dame Demi
16. Shay
17. Shasta Gibson
18. AlwaysArousedGirl
19. Freddy and Eddy
20. Dangerous Lilly
21. Jack
22. Erin Leone
23. Sleeping Dreamer
24. Ellie Lumpesse
25. Wendy Blackheart
26. Ducky Doolittle
27. Curvaceous Dee
28. The Porn Librarian
29. Lux Alptraum
30. Kyle
31. Naughty Secretary
32. Monkey
33. Nadia West
34. Alpine Subdreams
35. Bulma
36. Radical Vixen
37. The Beautiful Kind
38. Toys for Tarts
39. Sienna
40. Audacia Ray
41. Mariella
42. Ang
43. Lucy Vonne
44. Holden
45. Coy Pink
46. Backseat Boohoo
47. Bad Bad Girl
48. Jimbo Jones
49. Tess
50. BOX: Les Petites Morts
51. Zephyrine
52. N
53. Phaedra Fallen
54. Jiz Lee
55. Alisa
56. Syntax
57. Panthera Pardus
58. Red
59. Sommer Marsden
60. Mollena
61. The Countess
62. Adriana
63. Madeline Glass
64. Hussy Red
65. Trouble
66. Roxy
67. Sexorcism
68. Roxanne Rhoads
69. Amber
70. Rori
71. Kinkerbelle
72. Dark Lady
73. Sex Is Fun
74. Adrie Santos

We scoured the internet for reviewers. Pleasurists was a great source of reviewers, but it was not the only source, as many of the reviewers above have never participated in a Pleasurists. If you are not on the list and you reviewed in 2008 the chances are we simply did not know about you and couldn’t find you in our many searches.

Honorable mention goes to sites who weren’t included due to multiple reviewers such as Xcritic, Best Sex Toy Review, Sex Herald, and the many reviewers on EdenFantasys.

I was having a hard time making up my mind about what I wanted, so I asked my boyfriend to pick a toy from Sextoy.com. He picked the vibrating One Touch Dolphin Cockring. This is an interesting premise that addresses the fact that most women do not orgasm from intercourse alone in a way that puts the focus back on intercourse — with a twist.

The dolphin has a couple of components to it. It is a stretchy silicon cockring (the part that goes on my boyfriend) and a squishy dolphin shaped thing that holds a small bullet vibrator (the part I’m excited about), and a little blue matching bullet vibe (which we’ll get to in a moment). On the whole I liked this toy. The dolphin felt nice. I like the squishy material, pretty blue color, and downright cuteness of it. The cockring did its job allowing hands-free clitoral stimulation during intercourse. In fact, I would be really enthusiastic about this toy if it wasn’t for the bullet it came with. The little vibrator just wasn’t up to the task. It burnt through it’s watch batteries too quickly, the switch was finicky and so on. We tried it, fussed over it, and then decided to replace it with a silver bullet vibrator I already owned. This worked great. The holder on the dolphin cockring part was stretchy enough to accommodate the slightly larger vibrator, and transfered vibration nicely. It also muffled the sound of the vibrator making it less distracting.

Short story — great cockring and vibrator accessory but the bullet it comes with didn’t do it for me.

There is a great selection of vibrators on the sex toy page, and you can check out the Silicone One Touch Dolphin.

I’ve heard this question a lot, on blogs, in email, and even over drinks. I’ve tried to answer it, and time and time again felt that my answers were too vague or too personal, so I’m trying something new. I recently started playing with someone new, and noticed that he did some things very right from the start. Thinking back, a number of my partners have hit these points right on. So what do dominant women want? Well in the interest of not being too vague, I’m going to go through those points one by one with specific examples. In the interest of not being too personal, I’ve invited my friend Ironrose to collaborate on this post, and I invite my readers to comment.

As a disclaimer, this is not a comprehensive list of what all dominant women want.  It is impossible to make a comprehensive list of what all women want, or what any other statistically significant portion of the human race wants.  However, this is a starting point that illustrates some themes that might apply to a few dominant women.  We’re also using male pronouns because most questions I get on this topic are from men, and because I am using a man as my primary data point.  The list probably applies mostly in America, and possibly only on the coasts, and maybe even only to educated, geeky, 20-something, queer-identified dominant women.  This is why we welcome reader feedback and peer review!

On the list of cool freebies I’ve gotten from Sextoy.com is Inttimo Kitty Shave Kreme by Wet. Shaving products from a sex toy company? Why not? After all, bath and body products that make me feel sexy certainly improve my Friday nights…

The Forbidden Fruit scented shave kreme became my favorite shaving product. Now, keep in mind that I was somewhat dubious when I got it. I mean, I know Wet as a lube manufacture, and didn’t even know they make bath or shaving products, so the fact that I liked it as much as I did says a lot. It is, in fact, one of the smoothest, easiest to use, and most moisturizing shaving products I’ve used. This isn’t surprising given that aloe is the second listed ingredient, and it’s created for sensitive skin. The Inttimo shaving line is intended as a shaving cream for your bikini area, but of course I used it on my legs too. The smell was as tropical as could be expected with a name like Forbidden Fruit and the consistency was a cross between cream and gel — moisturizing and smooth without being too thin.

Short story: works great, smells a little too much like an umbrella drink if you sniff the bottle, but actually smells fine on skin, and you get to moisturize while you shave.

You can check out the Inttimo Kitty Shave Kreme on the sex toys page. You can also brows their full collection of lubes and lotions.

I’m a big fan of perverting household objects, and playing outside the box, but sometimes the iconography of BDSM is just too bloody hot to pass up. And the riding crop I just got from Sextoy.com, decidedly hot! I haven’t owned a riding crop before, though I’ve played with them at the dungeon I worked for. Too often I’ve seen them in stores and they just didn’t feel comfortable in my hand — the tip wasn’t nice or the handle felt too rough in my hand, or like it was about to unravel. Well this English riding crop suffers from none of these problems. I loved the neat crisp look of this toy. The comfortable wrapped leather handle felt good in my hand, and the nylon shaft and leather bat seemed well constructed and durable. This is the difference between a toy that sold for looks and a toy that’s sold for use.

I played with this toy a couple of times since I’ve gotten it, and I have to say it gives me a little jolt of energy each time. Collective memory is a powerful thing, and the image of a leather-clad dominatrix with a crop and a sadistic look in her eye is one we all recognize. To be sure, however, this toy is not all looks; it has a mean snap to it (I’m sure my partners can attest), and leaves pretty, square-ish, welts.

You can find this 18″ medium tip riding crop on the sex toys page. You can also brows all the BDSM and Fetish toys.

• I’m working from Santa Cruz today.  I was too behind to try competing with the distractions of San Francisco, so I drove out last night with my boy and a girl who needed a ride.  Now I’m working from an old victorian watching the rain beat against the single pane glass. 
• Intention — I posted about it recently and it came up again last night.  I was getting acupressure from a life-long martial artist.  He told me, as he worked to loosen my wrist, that the pressure points he uses to heal are the same he can use to hurt.  ”It’s all about intention” he said.  It reminded me of the vulnerability I felt when a partner was massaging my neck; knowing that he is good at what his does, but knowing too that he could kill me if he wanted to. 
• And now it’s time to get back to work.  There is another blog post on my to-do list, but first there is an animation to finish.  Six hours of work and 30 seconds of movie later and I’m still only almost done. 

Today’s sex toy review is brought to you by the nice people at Vibrator.com.

A couple of weeks ago I received one of those signature Lelo black sexy boxes I know and love so much. Lelo starts things off right with elegant packaging that sets the tone for their well designed and expertly constructed toys. The black box contained my
Lelo Luna Beads along with an instructional booklet and a white satin pouch to hold the beads.

The Luna Beads are part sex toy, part kegel exerciser, and all fun. It reminds me of the Fun Factory Smartballs I already have actually, but there are a few key differences. First the Luna Beads come with four balls — two 28 gram balls, and two 37 gram balls — you can interchange these to get more or less weight depending on your kegel fitness, goals, or favorite color. Second, the Luna Beads are slightly smaller than the Smart Balls, but when I combined the two 37 gram beads they felt heavier than the Smart Balls (I think the two 28 gram beads felt very close to the Smart Balls). Lastly, the Luna Beads have a translucent hard plastic shell which fits into a silicone holder so that you can insert two beads at a time and remove them easily using that attached string, while the Smart Balls are actually one unit covered in some kind of soft-ish plastic (possibly also silicone but I’m not sure).

So what does this actually do? Well, each bead has a little round weight inside which achieves a couple of things. First it makes you work to hold the beads in place as you’re walking around, which tones your kegel muscles, and this over time can make sex more intense. Second the beads role around while you move making the toy vibrate slightly and making this a great addition to masturbation especially if you’re using a clitoral vibrator.

Personally, I loved this toy, but it’s hard not to love anything that Lelo does. I didn’t have a hard time keeping the Luna Beads in even with the heaviest beads, but I did feel my muscles clench around it, which did wonders for focusing my attention. I primarily used this for masturbation to create that wonderful full feeling I often crave. I liked the Luna Beads for this better than some other toys I have because they fit comfortably inside me allowing unobstructed access to my clit. The fit also means that you can leave them in while doing housework, or working out to add a touch of discreet naughtiness to your day (although I’ll admit I got too distracted to actually do any housework!)

“Fidelity”: Don’t Divorce… from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Last night I played in my yoga clothes. I didn’t plan to. I didn’t plan to play really…I planned on a quiet mellow evening. We ordered Chinese and while we waited for the delivery I wanted to get the kink out of my hip flexors (no pun intended). I changed into yoga pants and stayed in them through the evening. Of course one thing led to another and shortly after dinner I was relishing the sight of a man on his knees on my concrete bedroom floor. And I was, naturally, still in my yoga clothes.

On some level I find this absurd. I found it especially absurd when he called me mistress — a title I last used while pro-domming, and so one I associate with a certain look. A look, I’m sure you understand, that does not include stretchy pants and a tanktop. On the other hand, I have better scenes when I’m comfortable, and it’s hard to get comfortable in a corset and 6″ heels.  The trappings of BDSM are really interesting though.  They setup a context, almost like a bounding box.  They, theoretically, get us in the mood, and help set the scene — we didn’t need the help it seems.

Later my partner suggested a yoga-wear themed play party. I think that’s an awesome idea not only because it will be comfortable, but because it inspires me to take more lessons from my yoga practice into the bedroom.  Besides which, it’s totally worth while for the mindfuck.

My first response to this was, “wait, what? Ergonomic dildo?” And it is! It’s a g-spot dildo that actually takes into account the curvature of your body.

I tried the Lelo Ella alone last week, and it was the most spot on g-spot toy I’ve ever tried. The spread out, blunt head means it has the surface area needed to massage your g-spot and the curvature of the toy lets it reach just right. I know, it seems kind of strange at first glance, but you know how some of those g-spot toys you’ve tried before have a tapered head so they keep almost getting your g-spot, but missing just a bit until you’re not sure if you really have a g-spot? Right, that doesn’t happen with the Ella! The Ella actually makes it really easy to find your g-spot without getting too acrobatic even!

Unfortunately, the Ella wasn’t perfect. Because the toy doesn’t vibrate or provide some other kind of movement I had to keep thrusting to get the stimulation I wanted. I know, how lazy can I possibly be, right? But as I got closer to orgasm it got harder and harder to keep up some kind of coordinated motion. A girl gets distracted you know! The Ella’s instructions suggest using it with a clitoral vibrator to maximize stimulation, which I have to say is one of the best ideas ever since the Ella transfers vibration right down to it’s nice wide ergonomic g-spot end. So it’s not a huge problem, but it is an extra step.

Of course I had to be thorough so I tried it with a friend too! (I had to see if it’s more fun when you don’t have to remember to keep thrusting.) It was a little confusing for both of us when we started because we had a hard time finding the rhythm, but in the end Ironrose seemed to get the idea…I’ll admit, however, that after playing with the Ella for a while we decided to get a bit more,uh, hands on.

And like all Lelo toys, the Ella comes in a wonderfully slick and sexy black box. I don’t know what it is with me and sex toy packaging, but the nice packaging to me conveys the manufactures care and attention to detail, and aren’t those qualities important for something that you’re using for sex?

Short story — very well designed toy, and a great lead-in to more serious g-spot play, but it’s better with a vibrator.

You can check out the Lelo Ella on the Sex Toys site. You can also take a look at all the luxury sex toys.