Kink In Exile

We all know that the internet is for porn. So why, with the volumes of literary erotica available anonymously and free, would you ever buy a book of spanking fiction? One word: editing. Rachel Kramer Bussel did an amazing job editing her newest book called Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. The stories are beautifully written, humorous, and well selected. Short enough for a quick bed-time read, these stories pack an impressive amount of character development, and all the juicy details you’d expect.

My favorite story? Perfect Bound by Shanna Germain.

“Breathe. Don’t forget to breathe.” I lean in putting my weight on his back, wrapping my hands around his wrists, and bite into his shoulder. I take my time, letting him get used to the pressure of my teeth on his skin, waiting for his breathing to steady, then bite down harder. I hear him gasp, and exaggerate my exhale willing him to keep pace with my breath.

I recently had the pleasure of playing with someone who is fairly new to kink. Yum. What, you wanted more nuance than “yum?” Playing with someone new is always a trip, but playing with someone who is new to the whole idea of kink goes beyond pickup play. My inner sadist definitely gets off on hurting someone who is still surprised by it. I do get off on vulnerability after all. There is, of course, something very powerful in the trust a bottom places in me regardless of the bottom’s experience level, but there is something different about getting to introduce someone to my favorite toys for the fist time.

There is also more for me to think about. I’m not sure how hard I can push before he runs for the hills, or where his landmines are. Not sure if I’m explaining too much or not enough. I check in constantly, and then worry that I’m pulling him out of a perfectly good headspace by asking if he’s ok. I’m amazed by how much pain he can take, but tread lightly anyway.  Definitely a balance.

Tell me about your first scene…

Violet Blue posted about a report by the Parent’s Television Council in which the PTC basically complains about the lack of good sex within Christian marriages on TV. You can read violet’s post here. This is really interesting to me though in that they are complaining not about sex on tv (well ok, that too) but about the kind of sex they want people to be having as being misrepresented. Sound familiar? Like maybe your kinky neighbors have been bemoaning this fact for a while? I guess the grass is always greener.

Anyway, I was going to post something completely different, and this ties into it believe it or not, but I’m going out so I’d best be getting dressed…stay tuned.

“I came for the sex, and stayed for the transcendence” — Lark in a workshop on pain and catharsis

“I do SM in search of a moment’s clarity and pureness of existence” — Midori in Wild Side Sex

Perhaps “coming back” would be a more appropriate phrase in my case. Life gets hectic, and recently it’s been all too easy to drop out of this sexy sultry world. I’ve said this before; the importance of kink seems to always be most evident when it’s absent. I suppose this is no surprise, but this is the time when I think most about why I do kink and what I want to do with it.

The idea of transcendence or clarity in SM play is very interesting. It’s a really focused in-your-body kind of expirience, and one that I relate closely to my yoga practice. However, those experiences are very personal, internal, shifts. I’m realizing more and more that kink is about connection for me. It’s about the intimate connection with my partner, but it is also about the connection with my community, and with all those who bear witness to my play. The appeal is not just in the particular activity I’m engaging in, but in the fact that it is kinky, and unsanctioned. It’s stands in opposition to prescribed sexual mores, and in someways that in itself is hot. A lot of the intimacy of it comes from that as well — I am not only trusting you to play with me safely, I am trusting you to like me because of, not in spite of, my kinks and quarks.

Why do you come to kink? What do you take from it into your waking life?