Kink In Exile

For those wondering why the posts have been a bit infrequent of late I have a good excuse: I’m not in Asia anymore.  Actually I’m in the US and planning to stay here for at least a year or so.  I got into Boston around 2am today and after a nap and some emergency shopping for winter clothing I went to a rope bondage party.  It was quite fabulous, and I am decidedly back in my tribe.

I’m not really sure what to do about this blog.  There are still things I want to explore, and I think best in writing so I plan to keep it up and updated.  The name might be a bit inaccurate, but then again living in rural Thailand was an absolutely amazing expirience that I’m sure will continue to influence my perspective on life the universe and everything.  If it is no longer kink in exile it is still kink influenced by exile, and the latter is too much of a mouthful.

Stay tuned for more talk of playing with rope, and culture shock.

He looked at her over the screen of his laptop.  She was sitting on the floor, wireless keyboard perched on her lap, looking at him.  She twirled her glasses absentmindedly in one hand.

“Why are you looking at me like that,” he asked.

“I need an adjective for ‘hard on.’” She chewed her lip before continuing.  “I’m trying to remember how you felt the last time you were in my mouth.  Smooth, hard, throbbing, powerful, demanding; I can’t seem to find the right word.”

Slowly he moved his computer.  “Here, maybe you’d like a reminder,” he said moving toward her.  He reached out pulling her in with one hand while he unzipped his trousers with the other.  Eagerly she slid over, kneeling in front of him forgotten keyboard tumbling to the floor…

I am young in my community, and it is very interesting to me that there is a lot of nostalgia about the good old days.  Pat Califia practically wrote an ode to the days before safer sex; Laura Antoniou’s fiction reflects one “true” way to do BDSM in which anything the top says goes.  My question is where is this coming from?  What are we missing in our rush to focus on safety and best practices and what do we gain by it?

Also look at how the community has grown.  Are we regretful that our actions must now be considered within a whole new context that involves media sources, legal ramifications, and political agendas?  Are we grateful that we no longer have to spend years of our lives thinking we are sick, and alone because evidence of BDSM is all around us?  Does the community mentoring we now engage in through workshops, dungeon rules, and community norms parallel the kind of one on one mentoring associated with the Old Guard?

Is kink no longer special when it isn’t secret?  Is it no longer sexy when it isn’t dangerous?  Would most of us still do this if we didn’t have limits?  Actually, now that I ask that last question I realize I can’t answer it…I can’t imagine consensual kink without limits.  How would that look?  What would separate it from abuse?  Something must I am sure because kink was separated from abuse long before someone came around and gave a speech about SSC, but how do we play with each other without first establishing the context of our play?

I really miss bondage. Japanese rope bondage is one of the first things I learned when I got into BDSM, and it still feels like home base to me. I’ve been thinking and writing a lot about bottoming, but this is one of those only as a top things. Well that isn’t quite true. I remember finishing off an evening of play in DC once by being strung up upside down in what turned out to be a wonderful cross between a scene and a meditation. However, when I think about rope bondage I think of tying the knots.

There are a lot of reasons this appeals to me…I like that I get to take the time to work with my bottom. I like the way it looks, and the fact that it is an art form as well as a kink. I like hurting people in unexpected ways. To some degree I like helplessness. Helplessness, vulnerability, fear are all very very hot when they come from strong competent individuals in the context of a scene.

I think I need to find myself someone to tie up…

I never realized just how much time a life of leisure takes up.  There was yoga, then breakfast, then aquaerobics then lunch, then nap time, then swimming, then afternoon tea.  Each activity requires its own outfit and most outfit changes are accompanied by a shower.  It is in fact possible to be infinitely busy relaxing.  I have to be awake for a 6am yoga class tomorrow…I have once been awake at 6am for work purposes and I was being paid an outrageous sum.  Being late for afternoon tea is far worse then being late for work it seems.

Anyway, all this relaxing gives me an idea…kink resorts. Why doesn’t this exist?  Does this exist and I simply don’t know about it?  Take some nice secluded land on a beach somewhere and offer all the standard resort amenities plus a choice of dungeons, and themed play rooms.  Turn afternoon tea into a scene, and use the waddling pool for water bondage or age play. 

Think about it.  I am sunbathing topless at a five star resort* approximately 2km from a Muslim ghetto.  It is clearly and easily separated from the outside world, can there be a better place for a kinky vacation?

Maybe a cruise ship under the flag of an especially liberal country?

*BTW I highly recommend the Sofitel line.