Kink In Exile

I review a lot of sex toys, and one of the things I look for in my reviews, especially this time of year, is giftability. But can you really give a sex toy as a gift? Opinions vary. On first pass it may seem like a reasonable gift for a lover, but not a friend, but then what if your sex life has been rocky? It could be seen as patronizing. And I for one have given sex toys to friends with ease.

Can I give my wife/girlfriend/spouce a Christmas vibrator?
I would say that if your sex life is generally healthy and enjoyable for both of you, and your partner has not expressed any anti-sextoy sentiment then it’s safe to say yes. If you haven’t had sex in 3 months and it’s a point of contention in your relationship I recommend something more natural like a comfy bath robe or piece of jewelry.

Can I give sex toys to my friends?
Ok, so I have given sex toys to my (platonic) girlfriends. My best girlfriends, mind you. Usually this wasn’t a “I went out and bought you something” it was more like “I have a surplus of this thing I’m reviewing, do you want the extra?” If you’re getting sextoys for a friend keep it light. Vibrating rubber duck — sure. Extra large butt plug — let her get it for herself.

Can I get something sexy for my hot coworker?
No.

How do I pick a sex toy for someone else?
One of the reasons you should only get sextoys for people you know well is that they are hard to buy for other people. If you’re shopping for a partner, consider shopping with them. Otherwise go for something kinda cute, on the small side maybe. Alternately, consider a gift certificate and a card with a sexy promise.

I recently had the chance to grab a cup of coffee at Wicked Grounds, a kink-themed coffee shop in San Francisco’s SoMa district.  Given that most of the kinksters I know these days are cafe-dwelling programers who will passionately argue the benefits of Blue Bottle over Ritual over Four Barrels  and that the chunk of Folsom between 8th and Dore has the highest concentration of kink venues I’ve seen anywhere in the continental United States I’d say these kids are on to something.  So what makes a coffee shop kink friendly?  Well, for starters it’s the writing on the wall — out with the politically correct community art that looks like you baby sister spit up on a recycled handkerchief and in with local kink artists and pornographers, explicit images and kinky in-jokes.  Then there are the books, greeting cards and various other nicknacks for sale that line the shelves — all kink themed and with a nice selection of local artists to boot.

The nice thing is though that this place lives up to my yupster coffee shop needs.  Good fresh roasted coffee (supplied by Ritual), interesting pastries, and fast internet.  Wicked Grounds also has an interesting decorating scheme for an area populated by people selling top rate coffee out of unfinished warehouses.  They have a fully built out space with red velvet upholstered chairs and a dungeon-light style.

Over all a cool place but file under “only in San Francisco.”  Now if only I could figure out how to solicit my readers for cups of coffee…

A friend just handed me season 1 of Secret Diary of a Callgirl. It’s a very pretty Showtime adaptation of the book by the same name, and it made me want to play dress-up like there’s no tomorrow. I’m going to Sonoma on Friday, and while the original plan was to go wine tasting and biking, I suspect the revised plan includes sexy costumes and raunchy hotel sex.

Among the costumes I’m packing is the Erotique fishnet top and G-string I just got from Sextoy.com. (Isn’t it nice how they have all these costumes and lotions and goodness knows what else to complement their collection of vibrators and other sex toys?) I have a few fishnet tops from my punk rock days, but this off the shoulder number is more flirty than what you’d find on the Haight. It’s also made of a softer fabric than a lot of the punk chic I’ve found. The Erotique set features a cute red bow on both the top and matching panties that makes me want to save the whole thing for Christmas, but I think I’m just a little too big to fit into one of those fuzzy stockings you hang on the fireplace so weekend getaway it will be. Oh, I should tell you though that while this set is “one size fits most” it actually runs pretty small so keep that in mind if it’s a concern.

Of course now that I’ve got my costumes sorted I get to figure out what toys to bring…what’s quiet enough for a hotel room, easy to travel with, and still hurts like hell?

I got these products as part of the sensuous soak kit from Babeland, and while I think they took it off their site, thanks to their rock star editor you can save 10% on any of these products (details bellow).

This is the kind of thing that bridges the divide between the things you do before sex and the things you do for sex. I’ve reviewed bath products before, and I stand by the idea that anything that makes you feel sexy and brings the focus to your body, like say bubble bath, will improve your sex-life. This kit, however, gives you not only the bubble bath, and sensual massage candle to get you in the mood, it takes you right along with a book of aqua themed erotica and a vibrating sea sponge to spice up your bath.

The kit started out with Babeland’s signature bubble bath. The rich foam, light scent, and decadent feeling is a great way to relax before a hot date. Add the vibrating sea sponge, though, and you might want to have a bath date instead. The sponge has a hidden bullet vibrator and is a fun accompaniment to the otherwise more spa-feeling kit. If you’re enjoying your bath alone, and are anything like me, you’ve probably dropped more than a single magazine into the steamy water. This is why I find the aqua erotica book absolutely brilliant — it’s 100% waterproof! I have never before seen a waterproof book for adults, and even joked while I was waiting for the kit to arrive that it should be waterproof. Imagine my surprise when I found out it really was. But beyond that, the book is a diverse collection of water themed erotica — not my usual interest but very well done I must say.

Finally, when I was practically floating on cloud 9 and as relaxed as I thought I was going to get I noticed the Jimmyjane Afterglow candle. This lovely cucumber scented soy wax candle has a low burning temperature and turns into a sensual massage lotion. It comes with a brush you can use to brush the wax on or if you’re terribly gouache as I was you can just drip it from the pretty frosted glass holder.

Inspired to take a long hot bath of your own? You can save 10% off any of these products with the coupon code KINK09. This code is not case sensitive and expires on 7/1/10

Maybe I’ve been reading too many romance novels but this is a job I can do…”all the girlfriend services except sex and laundry.”

Do you need help getting a present for your sister?  Picking out a suit?  Need someone to take to a family function or a lovely intelligent woman to make small talk with your boss at the office Christmas party?  Want your house decorated or the cleaning service managed?   Need to impress that college buddy you haven’t seen in ten years?  Show up your ex wife?  Don’t want the responsibility, arguments, and work of a girlfriend or wife?  I can help!

Three pies, a cake and a batch of cookies — tonight.  I have an awesome kitchen but I can’t help but wonder if it is wrong to ask your sugar daddy for a kitchen with two ovens.  Perhaps if I had a sugar daddy I would ask.  It would be only a matter of time until I asked for a second set of the nice wooden spoons so I can have some by the stove and some by the bed.  Certainly a stand mixer or an account with the French restaurant supply store would win my heart.

One day I will be rich and famous and I will design my own kitchen.  I would keep my lovely 5 burner stove and pot rack suspended on chains.  I’d keep the brushed steel look too, but I’d make it bigger with an island in the middle so that I could bend the lucky bastard over the black granite counter tops between batches of meringues and beat him with the teak wood spoons.

Who looks good in a baby doll? Seriously, I’m certain that someone does because this seems to be the most popular nightgown choice, but I just look like a doll, or pregnant, or something.

Last week I attempted to buy a nightgown. I assumed this would be an easy task given that all I wanted was a slinky black thing that went to about mid thigh — typical, right? Well my first shopping attempt yielded an array of babydolls apparently the item du jour at Victoria’s Secret. I then moved my search to Macy’s where I found two radically different options: 1) flannel pajamas or 2) stretchy mesh with butt ruffles. Butt ruffles? Do people wear this? Can anyone actually sleep in this? The Macy’s shop girl helpfully directed me to Saks, which was much like Macy’s only the flannel came in solid colors and the butt ruffles were more expensive.

Failing to find a night gown I decided to bring my favorite perfume on holiday and go traditional. However, this did get me thinking about the nature of sensuality in America. Much like charity, and healthy food, I prefer to have sensuality as part of my every day life, and find too often that it is a special event around here. What I want is quite simple unless you try to buy it in America — I want something sexy that is comfortable to wear, looks good on the way my body looks now not ten pounds lighter than now, and doesn’t require a special occasion. So why do we need special occasions to wear the things that make us feel good? Why are sexy and comfortable mutually exclusive concepts?

me: “Oh, hey look a company that makes airplane parts and sex toys.”
roommate (looking): “Which one did you get?”

So you’ve tried toys, you’ve tried costumes, and now you want to try something entirely different in the bedroom. Or maybe you’re trying your hand at amateur stripping in or out of the house and you want something to spice up your routine. Perhaps you, like me, have always admired body jewelry but are still hesitant about getting your “down there” pierced. Well, I never thought they’d do it but they did — someone actually invented non-pirecing genital jewelry.

The Arabesque Body Jewelry Clit Caresser looks kind of like a cross between dangly earrings and a hair pin, and comes with straightforward instructions (though illustrations would help). You slip the sterling silver clip part over your clit and let the beads dangle as decoration. I’ll admit my thoughts on this are mixed. It was a little confusing to find the right fit at first but once on it stayed securely without pinching. The dangly beads certainly drew attention to the area, but I’m not sure I’d want this for a regular night on the town. I do, however, think this would be a good addition to a stipping “outfit” and I look forward to wearing these on stage.

Check out the Arabesque Body Jewelry Clit Caresser on the Sex Toy page. And if you’re looking for some more traditional window dressing take a look at the lingerie and clothing section.

My undergraduate education = $140,000.00
My lipstick = $18.50
Which are you complementing?

Or

Time spent at the gym = 45 minutes
Time spent on thesis = 24 months
What’s your priority?