Kink In Exile

Maybe I’ve been reading too many romance novels but this is a job I can do…”all the girlfriend services except sex and laundry.”

Do you need help getting a present for your sister?  Picking out a suit?  Need someone to take to a family function or a lovely intelligent woman to make small talk with your boss at the office Christmas party?  Want your house decorated or the cleaning service managed?   Need to impress that college buddy you haven’t seen in ten years?  Show up your ex wife?  Don’t want the responsibility, arguments, and work of a girlfriend or wife?  I can help!

Three pies, a cake and a batch of cookies — tonight.  I have an awesome kitchen but I can’t help but wonder if it is wrong to ask your sugar daddy for a kitchen with two ovens.  Perhaps if I had a sugar daddy I would ask.  It would be only a matter of time until I asked for a second set of the nice wooden spoons so I can have some by the stove and some by the bed.  Certainly a stand mixer or an account with the French restaurant supply store would win my heart.

One day I will be rich and famous and I will design my own kitchen.  I would keep my lovely 5 burner stove and pot rack suspended on chains.  I’d keep the brushed steel look too, but I’d make it bigger with an island in the middle so that I could bend the lucky bastard over the black granite counter tops between batches of meringues and beat him with the teak wood spoons.

I’ve wanted to try a Don Wand product for a while, and as I’m slowly but surely expanding my collection of anal toys I figured why not try the Kama Diva plug. The blue swirly plug is made out of urethane — a kind of hard plastic material. Urethane is apparently also fragile as the toy comes with a big blue pillowy/plushy pouch for safekeeping.

The Kama Diva plug, at about 4″ tall and 1.25″ in diameter, is about medium sized (at least compared to the butt toys I already own) and features a bulb head followed by a bead-like ridge before you get to the flared base. I really like the ridge part because it gives you more sensations and draws out the experience more than a toys with just a bulb head and base. I do have to admit, however, that the base on this toy made me a little worried. It is important that anything you put up your butt has a large flared base because things can get pulled in and stuck up there. The Kama Diva plug does have a flared base but it’s only about half an inch wider than the plug itself and that seems like too small a marine of error. It is also unclear to me if the plug and base are made out of one piece of urethane or if they are separate and joined by a seam. Does anyone else know? I would advise caution when using this toy, and I myself made sure to not let it go all the way in. Kama Diva plugs are phthalates free and made in the USA and aside from my being a worry-wort about the base this is a fun toy and a great intro for the adventurous anal sex newbie.

You can check out the Kama Diva plug or take a look at all the anal toys on the sextoys page

Do you ever feel the need to dress up? I don’t mean a sexy new blouse, or even lingerie; I literally mean playing dress-up, you know, with costumes and stuff.

I love costumes! Everything from pirate wenches to slave girls of Orion (for the truly geeky) have made their appearance in my bedroom, so it seemed only natural that I should review a sexy costume from Sextoy.com. A couple of weeks ago I got the Kitty Kat Leopard mask and ears set, which is exactly what the name implies.

The fuzzy ears are worn via a headband and the mask is a standard costume eye mask. Cute without being overwhelming, this is a great party costume as much as anything else, and I wore the ears by themselves to offset a punkish outfit I was wearing around town. My only complaint was that the headband was on the small side and pressed behind my ears in a way regular headband wearers are all too familiar with. Aside from that I’d say this was a cute costume all around.

Check out the Kitty Kat Leopard mask and ears set or look at other costumes on the sex toys page!

It seems counterintuitive to give people tools to hurt you with, but yesterday I did just that. I was chatting with a potential play partner and we started talking about fucking with people’s heads. Now on the occasion that I bottom I like having my head fucked with, but it’s actually harder to do than some people may think. Try to intimidate me and I’ll know exactly what you’re doing. I’ll feel bad about not being intimidated, but I just don’t have the suspension of disbelief. Try to make me self-conscious , and well, chances are you don’t know the buttons. So I handed my companion a button. He would have figured it out sooner or later, most people who are close to me do, but why make him guess?

What tools have you given your partners?

Who looks good in a baby doll? Seriously, I’m certain that someone does because this seems to be the most popular nightgown choice, but I just look like a doll, or pregnant, or something.

Last week I attempted to buy a nightgown. I assumed this would be an easy task given that all I wanted was a slinky black thing that went to about mid thigh — typical, right? Well my first shopping attempt yielded an array of babydolls apparently the item du jour at Victoria’s Secret. I then moved my search to Macy’s where I found two radically different options: 1) flannel pajamas or 2) stretchy mesh with butt ruffles. Butt ruffles? Do people wear this? Can anyone actually sleep in this? The Macy’s shop girl helpfully directed me to Saks, which was much like Macy’s only the flannel came in solid colors and the butt ruffles were more expensive.

Failing to find a night gown I decided to bring my favorite perfume on holiday and go traditional. However, this did get me thinking about the nature of sensuality in America. Much like charity, and healthy food, I prefer to have sensuality as part of my every day life, and find too often that it is a special event around here. What I want is quite simple unless you try to buy it in America — I want something sexy that is comfortable to wear, looks good on the way my body looks now not ten pounds lighter than now, and doesn’t require a special occasion. So why do we need special occasions to wear the things that make us feel good? Why are sexy and comfortable mutually exclusive concepts?

Ok, how often do your sex toy manufactures also make aircraft parts on the side? Not too often I’d imagine, and thats why I take a perversely geeky pleasure in reviewing this particular spreader bar. This candy purple spreader bar is made of aircraft grade aluminum and is as solidly engineered as it is pretty. It is 36″ with small-ish loops on either side for attachment. I really like the sturdy aluminum feel, and the metallic purple color. The length can be good or bad. I am mostly used to dealing with adjustable spreader bars which offer more flexibility and don’t leave you looking quizingly from toy to partner wondering if they will line up. On the other hand, adjustable spreader bars often have sharp or awkward edges which the Pinnacle Design bar thankfully lacks. It does come in multiple sizes so you just have to decide what you want in advance.

This is a great toy for adding some rigidity to rope bondage and can be used in conjunction with ankle cuffs, say if you wanted the spread-eagle look without adding hardware to your bed. Check out the 36″ Candy Purple spreader bar on the sex toys page, or view all BDSM and bondage items.

Sextoy.com’s “Give me Fever”— Sex Toys Giveaway Contest!

Spring is finally upon us, the time when lovers get frisky and people’s minds turn to sex! To help get you motivated and to celebrate May as Masturbation Month, Sextoy.com is partnering with the Pleasurists.com for the “Give me Fever”— Sex Toys Giveaway Contest with $500 in prize package swag giveaways!

The Prize Packages!

1st Prize- Fetish Fantasies- Value $220

• Fantasy sex swing - black by Pipe Dreams - $130
• Fetish fantasy bed restraint bondage kit by Eldorado- $40
• Leather Cockring With Micro-Vibrator by California Exotics- $25
• Ryder - Midnight Purple by Tantus- $25

2nd Prize- Sexy Girl Bling- Value $145

• Ultimate Clit Caresser - Clear Aurora by Arabesque - $100
• Sinsation Glass G-spot Dildo by Ruby Glass- $20
• Goddess Gold Condom Compact by Just in Case- $25

3rd Prize- Couples Fun- $110

• Don Wand Colbalt Blue Plug by Don Wand- $20
• Rock Chick Pink G-Spot Vibrator Adult Sex Toy Kit by MBS- $70
• OOOOH! THAT’S IT! GSPOT GEL (1 oz) by Intimate Organics- $20

The Rules!

• You must 18+ to enter.
• You must be willing to provide your mailing address if you win so Sextoy.com can send you your sexy swag prizes.
• To enter simply repost this contest (complete guidelines) any time between May 1st and May 25th on your blog or a forum or elsewhere where you have permission (no spamming and post cannot be in comments sections of blogs) and email submission AT pleasurists.com with a link to the repost.
• If you have a preference for which prize you would like to be sent feel free to include that with your post or in the email with your repost link, we will take it into consideration when choosing the winners (though there’s no guarantee). Listing First, Second, and Third choice of prize package would be helpful!
• Submissions must be posted on or between May 1st and May 30th to qualify
• You must email your submission to submission AT pleasurists.com by May 30th at 11:59pm Pacific Time.

Winners will be chosen by random number generator, numbered by the order in which the emails are received. Each winner will be given their first choice prize if possible, or second or third if not. Winners will be announced on May 31st!

That’s it! Get to re-posting!

As promised, the harness review.

If you haven’t done a lot of strap-on play, or even if you have, choosing a harness may be a little puzzling. Leather looks cool, but how do you clean it? Where exactly is it meant to sit? Doesn’t this look silly? Too butch? Too girly? One strap or two?

I recently got two harnesses from Sextoy.com: the Lover’s Super-Strap Universal harness and the Corsette harness. Both are great beginner harnesses since they’re not too pricey so you can experiment without amassing credit card debt, and both are made out of fabric so they require less care than a leather harness and are easier to clean. They are also both two strap harnesses (as opposed to the one strap g-string style), which I prefer since the straps go around your thighs adding stability while allowing for access to your naughty bits.

The first difference I noticed was image. The Lover’s Super Strap is a very utilitarian harness — nylon straps, metal ring, and that’s about it. The Corsette by comparison is very fashion forward with a soft purple fabric “corset” waist lacing and all. I expected these to preform differently, but the difference was minor. I did notice that the Super-Strap fit a bit more securely which was surprising given the Corsette’s greater coverage. The Corsette also came with a small bullet vibrator, but I find that the cut of the harness doesn’t make that useful — I wear my harness over my pubic bone, not over my clit after all. And of course being made of fabric both can be machine washed in a pinch (though I’m not certain if the manufacture would approve).

So what are the major things to look at?
*Fit and stability — the harness should fit snugly around your hips and you may want to see for yourself if the g-string harness or the two strap kind feel most secure to you.
*Material — can you wash it?
*Style — do you want to look girly like a butterfly with a sparkly silver cock, or are you a tomboy with something more realistic looking?

Happy harness hunting…and of course you can find more strap-ons and sex toys on the the Sextoy.com page.

This post can also be labeled “I have no knowledge of my history but it’s real serious leather so it must be Old Guard!”

I recently had reason to look into the idea of collaring. This is an interesting concept because like many issues of protocol it requires me to wade through a plethora of miss-information and opinion-as-fact merely to find some simple things: when did collaring become popular in BDSM circles and under what circumstances, what are some common physical considerations in choosing collars, and what are some useful emotional considerations.

One of the first articles I came across was this piece from Albany Power Exchange. This article states, in it’s naturally authoritative voice, “The first collar offered is called the ‘Collar of Consideration’. This identification comes from the Old Guard Leather community, the same source of the Safe, Sane and Consensual code.” Well this is fine and good except that Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC) is largely attributed to a mid-1980s (I’ve seen both 1983 and 1984 listed as the correct year) Gay Male SM Activists publication. The mid 1980s, I will point out, was somewhat after what is generally referred to as the Old Guard period.

So let’s review — I went looking for sexual information. I found an article that divides BDSM communities into pre-internet (good) and post-internet (bad). This article puts forth the author’s opinion as the one right way of using collars in a scene and uses tradition and authority of elders as the pillars on which the author’s opinion is to stand. This article then provides factually false information invoking those same pillars of tradition and authority (you agree with SSC, so you must agree with what I say about collaring)

So here are 5 easy things to think about when doing research (kinky or otherwise):
1) Check your sources — how do you know what you know? Is your data coming from the CIA, a research institution, or the kid who lives on your floor? Is the article you are reading peer reviewed?
2) Check multiple sources — are you getting different numbers from different sources? Do your sources have different agendas?
3) Check publication dates — there was a time when the sun went around the earth and all the best scientists of the day would have told you so. Make sure your information is up to date; this is especially vital with medical information.
4) Fact or opinion? — Fact: collaring is a known practice in BDSM communities. Opinion: Collaring ceremonies are only valid between people who play really really hard. (Oh, and I will support my fact by saying that the many articles written on the subject and posted to BDSM community boards are indicative of a shared experience or in-group behavior.)
5) Validity based on what — Does the article provide data from a well-known source, or peer reviewed study, or does it ask you to believe what it says is true because it’s Tradition?