2010

2019 has been a very strange year for me. Not hard per se, but disconnected. I have spent the last 2 months unearthing my past and wondering how I failed to note the end of my early 20s. It’s no surprise that the desire for kink ebbs and flows, but how the hell do you turn around and realize one day that it’s been months not just a few days? I have started to use a new dating app by OnTheBlank and that is really helping me find a date and stuff, but that isn't enough. I just want to find easy sex, i'm still search daily to find men to fuck via a dating app. Try reading the reviews left by dating blogger, Kat Stroud, who said hookup sites make it easy for us finding easy ways to get laid. If you sign up, she'll let you send her a message for sex.

Perhaps it’s time to regroup.

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Hooking Up Online

If you still not found the love of your life using these dating apps, you should just have easy sex via a casual sex app like Cougar Dating Guide for more sex with milfs! This makes it easy to get laid and more! Fall is and has always been my favorite season. I think it started with my love of pumpkin pie, the color orange, and notebooks and went out from there. This fall, however, I am spending a lot of time reflecting on how much things have changed since I was 19. I have been very very blessed, I loved my undergrad years, but I have never missed them before. Maybe it’s time to dig out those school girl skirts and arm warmers for a spin around the block.

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Tantus Flow – product review

Okay this is one of those toys that I oggle in the store but am actually a little intimidated by in real life. The Tantus Alumina collection is made of aeronautic grade aluminum. These pretty purple aluminum dildos comes in a variety of shapes and are all lubricant safe. I started with the smoothest one in the collection – the Tantus Flow – even though I got the Tantus Motion as well.

The first thing I noticed about this toy is the weight. Unlike plastic or silicone toys I already have, these guys are heavy! They also get frigidly cold. Aluminum actually holds temperature really well and you can adjust the temperature of the toy by running it under hot or cold water. My favorite game along those lines is to play with the cool Tantus Flow before fucking my boyfriend who is of course amazingly warm by comparison. I haven’t tried warming it up yet…I was a bit distracted by the contrast play :)

The Tantus toys unscrew in the middle, though I am unclear as to the benefit of this. You can mix and match but they come as a set, so you will still have to buy multiple full sets. Why not just use both toys? I guess being able to interchange them lets you make your perfect toy and not have to find two different toys when you want them, but I’m still unconvinced. Over all though, I like this toy lot. It’s not my go-to toy because it is too intense, a little too intimidating, and much more fun with a partner at least for me, but it is definitely one that offers a new range of sensation distinct from what I already had.

You can check out all the Tantus toys as well as other dildos and sex toys at Sextoy.com!

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Cute bar, less cute guy

Some days I wonder what the success rate must be on bar pickup lines, and more importantly what the success rate of getting someone to sleep with you by insulting them must be.* I went to a bar tonight, and while I’m waiting for a friend the guy next to me starts talking to me:

Me: sipping new type of booze deciding if I like it silently
Him: “you have to shoot that”
Me: making eye contact “I’m not a shooting kind of gal”
Him “you are now”

And on it went — My way of drinking is wrong, my job is wrong, and the school I went to was wrong and still is. And btw can he have my number. And here I thought everyone’s mother taught them that to make friends they have to complement the person on something neutral and engage in light non-personal conversation. Guess not.

* As soon as I wrote that I realized that I have met plenty of people who get off on being insulted. One of the chief problems I’ve had meeting submissive men is that I treat all humans as humans until other arrangements have been made leading some people to believe I am not dominant. That said, other arrangements can certainly be made after a few minutes of polite chit chat.

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Space and time

I wrote the journal entry bellow a while ago but never got around to completing and posting it. However, my boy is out of the country this week and while I miss him terribly, I have caught up on all the kink blogs I don’t get around to reading when he’s around. I had a crazy ex ages ago who theorized that good porn comes out of not getting laid, and while she was a complete fruitcake when it came to some things, I think she was spot on about that one…

years ago, in an ivory tower in the north east I had a professor who told me that if I have a problem I should write through it, at it even, rather than around it. The problem, I am discovering, is that my boyfriend brings out the crazy in me. Don’t get me wrong, he most assuredly brings joy and love to my life too, but there is no question that our relationship is where all my subconscious beliefs about relationships get to play out. It is almost as if he brought my biological clock, and fairy princess dreams with him. Having rarely, if ever, suffered a bout of “does he like me” in the past, I have discovered a whole new world of “will he still like me tomorrow” insecurities. And having settled comfortably into a ethical but promiscuous existence as the other woman, I found myself confronted by other’s perceptions of me as, I don’t know, taken? Otherwise engaged?

I don’t think I’ve experienced anything quite like it before. I am in an open relationship. With very few exceptions (and I’m talking count ‘em on one hand here) my being partnered doesn’t restrict my ability to sleep with new and interesting people, and yet, it does. On-again-off-again flings I’ve had for years stopped returning my calls. People who chat me up in clubs started asking for my professional opinion rather than my list of fetishes and fancies.

I guess the counter culture didn’t prepare me to be normal :-/

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Music

I’m always amazed by the power of music to radically change my mood. I was feeling mellow and writing a rant-y post and then came across Sweet Dreams, and I feel radically better. Oddly, I almost never have sex to music…might be time to change that.

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Lube review part two

A while back I reviewed the Liquid Silk lube, which if not for our love/hate relationship with chemistry would be my gold standard for lube. Today I have a natural alternative. Sliquid Organics natural lube! Yup, it’s Berkeley safe.

Sliquid has a lot in common with Liquid Silk, same amazing texture, about the same endurance and no overwhelming plastic-y scent. Sliquid is also 100% glycerin and paraben free for the health conscious (and when it comes to those nasties we should all be conscious). Picking between the two is hard…they have so much in common. Sliquid seems better for me: I’ve never had an adverse reaction, and it has ingredients I can pronounce. Liquid silk on the other hand, has a very slight hand up on texture, but occasionally doesn’t quite work for me.

Luckily, both come in tester sizes, so check them out at Babeland.com where you can also find a wide array of sex toys to try them with!

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Does your lifestyle support sensuality?

I was trying to understand why I haven’t felt like posting recently. At first it was a time crunch, then a medical concern, more work deadlines, and then I didn’t feel like I had anything to write about. I didn’t want to spend all my words talking about the latest in dildo technology (though a cool new toy did get me back in the groove for this post), but I didn’t have much else to say. I realized that not only was I not spending much of my energy and resources writing about sex, I also wasn’t spending much energy exploring sex. It’s an odd shift for me.

Is this nature taking its course? The reasonable and normal result of moving to a gated community and updating my makeup to understated glam? The consequence of working in conservative cultures? Has my occasional long skirt crossed the line from community (or host country) integration to personal statement?! Or have I just shifted priorities, putting out one too many fires to keep the home fire burning?

Honestly, I couldn’t say. Am I satisfied with my sex life? Yes. Has it changed in the last two years? Yes. The reasoning behind this change probably comes down to a number of factors ranging from opportunities and availability to a sense of “been there done that.” And while I’m not interested in changing my sex life right now, I have been thinking about actions that create a space for sensuality in your (or my) life.

Ok, I won’t lie, I was at the doctor’s office the other day — one of those suburban operations where everyone seems to be trying to have a baby at 40, and picked up a copy of Conceive magazine. As you can imagine, it is all about how to boost conception – something I’m not interested in at the moment. However, it had an interesting article about being (and getting) in the mood. Sex educators, parents, and would-be parents among you may be aware that it isn’t uncommon to lose your sex drive when trying to have a baby especially if conception is proving difficult, if you are using fertility medication, or even if you are just trying to time sex to happen during fertility peaks. The Conceive article, however, had some useful if common sense tips on feeling sexy regardless of your views on children.

Tips like get more exercise, take time off, and pamper yourself are hard to argue with really. Unfortunately they can also be hard to follow. I have made and broken more exercise resolutions than I can name this year despite having several fitness options within blocks of my home (not to mention in my home). I haven’t had enough time to think about taking time off and pampering myself is one of those things that requires time and ends up at the bottom of the to-do list. Whether these are the real reasons behind my changing relationship to sex or not, I’m not sure. However, I am about to have a lot more time in my day, and I’m going to see how, if at all, that changes things.

How does your lifestyle support or interfere with your sex life? Have you made any lifestyle changes specifically to address some component of your sex life? If so what were they?

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Package design and a review

Maybe because I was visiting a printing press yesterday, maybe it’s just because I’m a dork, but the first thing I noticed about the Bliss 3 is the packaging. The outside cardboard sleeve has a really nice use of embossing that makes it look like a fancy DVD box set. The outside sleeve also has half circle cuts at the outside edge so you can easily grip the inside box and pull it out. The inside box, a purple two part pull-open, is less impressive but still nice. The inside is clearly inspired by a mac book box though, complete with branded tab that lets you pull up the top toy holding tray to reveal the batteries, storage baggie, and manual bellow.

Why do I mention all of this? Because packaging adds a lot to the perceived value of a product, and it seems to be on the forefront of the sex toy revolution. Think about it. Put the same vibrator in a transparent plastic blister-pack with a picture of a porn star on the front and you have a different product. Make it beige and put it in a brown paper bag and you have a different product. I’m not saying that the qualities of the vibrator aren’t important, they are, and we’ll get to them shortly. What I’m saying, however, is that the care and attention paid to the packaging of high-end sex toys highlights the engineering and design that went into the actual toy and changes our opinions of who should buy this product, where, and for how much.

I guess non-geeks out there might want to know about the actual toy though, right? The Bliss 3 is about 5 inches long and over an inch in diameter. It is made out of silicon, and powered by AAA batteries (which are included with the toy in the little sub toy compartment that looks oh so much like a mac book box). The toy claims to be super quiet using “whisper-quiet” technology but I didn’t think it was any more or less quiet than the bulk of high-end vibrators I have seen. The 9 vibration patterns range from 3 levels of continuous vibration to more exotic pulsing patterns and are very, very nice (try #4!) These are all controlled through one power button at the base. I like the simplicity of just one button, but it would actually be nice to be able to go forward and backward instead of having to cycle through all 9 patterns if you miss the one you wanted.

Long story short: Nice vibrator with plenty of options to choose from and a very pretty presentation that makes this a great spoil-yourself-silly kind of toy.

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Excuses, excuses

There is a pretty popular belief that as soon as you try to explain why you haven’t posted in a while your blog explodes in a flaming ball of logic, your readers take you off their RSS feeds and you disappear. I have to say, I am tempted to make excuses:

Gradschool ate my brain.
Work ate my brain.
I was catching up on my reading/sleep/crazy plan to take over the world.

The real reason I haven’t posted though, has a shaved head and a goatee. I love my boy, but it turns out that being in a relationship is not conducive to sex blogging. First there are the sordid details I don’t want to share with the whole wide world. Maybe they are private, but more likely, they need context. They are imbued with the moods and details of our every day existence, and it is really hard to write something in the spirit it was done without that context.

Moreover, relationships are by definition stable, and stability leads to less newness, less “wow I never saw that before I should blog about it.” On the other hand, this is also new and somewhat uncharted territory for me. What I am hoping will save this blog is spring. Spring is when I, and many others, develop a sudden and overwhelming crush on the world. It’s when I look around in hopes of shacking up with someone new, call the people I haven’t spoken to all year and flirt it up on the dance floor. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always Craigslist…

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